Loss and Hope


Source: Last.FM

Today our little sweetheart turns 15 on the 15th, but we won’t be spending it with her. Sadly, the last birthday we spent with her was 11 years ago and I’m not gonna lie to you, I did sob (aka: the ugly cry) a bit today thinking of her and missing her. I so want to be with her celebrating today. No matter what people think or tell you, we never fully “get over” losing a child. We can heal and we can move on, but we will always feel their absence in our lives. Even if we could have had our own or adopted other kids, we would still feel her absence Every.Single.Day.


Source: Ebay

(I know it’s watermarked, but she shows that same fun-loving smile as our sweetheart in this one. That face just grips my heart…but also makes me smile!  Karen Dotrice from “Mary Poppins”, “The Gnome Mobile” and “The Three Lives of Thomasina” looks so much like our little sweetheart in these 2 photos.)

She was such a joy in our lives with her spunk and sweet liveliness! Even with the hard things in her little life, she had such a love of living. We could all take lessons from her on that! We recently heard that she is doing well, and that soothes our hearts some, as we weren’t sure what her life was going to be like after she left us. It makes such a HUGE difference to know she’s safe! And some of my tears today were happy tears, knowing that some of the worry is eased for us. For the first time in 11 years, we have the  comfort of this knowledge, and we’re so thankful to God for giving it to us!


In February, I’m planning on going to a conference I recently heard about called, “Choose Joy” where there is even a session covering Failed Adoptions. I’m looking forward to some good sessions, more healing and possibly meeting someone in the same boat…because I have never met ANYONE else in the past 11 years who has been through a failed adoption while also being childless, like us…NO ONE!!! I sympathize with the way Sarah in the Bible must have felt…so hopeless and alone. But my God is a God of HOPE!!! Maybe I’ll meet a new friend/pen pal/supporter, as I continue a lifetime of healing from losing our precious, little sweetheart. That would be so great!! If you think of me in the next couple of weeks, would you please pray for me? I know God is in control and I am so very thankful to have that assurance. I also know He cares…about us and her, but sometimes it’s hard to grasp. Thank you for “listening” friends. :>












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